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Apa nak jadi?

15.3.10

Dear Diary,

Apa la nak jadi dengan blog aku nih...Aduhaiii

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Reflections

8.1.10

Dear Diary,

Waahh..how long has it been since I last pen down my thoughts here, eh? Well, same 'ol lame excuse given by me over and over again when people asked my why I haven't update my precious lil blog - NO TIME! Indeed I got no time to spare nowadays. What with my job, my daughter and my own little precious time for me to wind down and relax after work. I just don't have the "brain" ability to sit down, think and type..hahahahah.

Anyway, since 2009 has closed its door, I think its just appropriate to sit down and reflect on what happened last year.

As most of you may know, I made a HUGE decision last year. But before that, there was a series of event happened in our little family life. We moved from a landed house to an apartment within 3 months and move to KL within 8 months. Maisara started her "schooling" life in Smart Reader early last year. She enjoyed it so much that I was relief of my decision sending her to school even before she turned 3 despite few people telling me that its too early.

My thyrotoxicosis was under control early last year as well. I had a VERY BAD hyperthyroidism late 2008 resulting in me being depressed and almost had a panic attack. Now I am still on medication which is scheduled to be stopped in April. My endocrinologist will then monitor the hormon level and will decide on what step to be taken next.

I found out that I was pregnant with our second child late March last year. Unfortunately, 2 months later I got miscarried. It was a stressful event but if its not meant to be, then its not meant to be. We can always try again..Hehehehe.

On a cheerier note, I was FINALLY employed in August. Tu lah org cakap kan, Tuhan duga kita dengan sesuatu dan Dia bagi kita sesuatu yg kita tak jangka. That's what I call rezeki. But, this employment comes with a BIG sacrifice. My job requires me to station in KL while my hubby is still working in JB. August was the month that I dreaded the most that time. I prayed to God to show me the right thing to do. I took the job with a heavy heart.

August also was the starting point of our long distance relationship. Yes, some of you might think its not a big matter. Ala, sorang JB sorang KL je..bukan jauh pun. Orang lain duduk lagi jauh-jauh. But, not to us. We've been thru thick and thin together. Susah senang kami bertiga. Makan megi ke makan steak ke mmg kami together2. And Maisara is so close to her daddy. It shatters my heart everytime I saw her crying in the middle of the night looking for her daddy and sobbing before she goes to sleep. I had to be strong for her but sometimes I just can't. I don't have the heart of steel like other people. But alhamdulillah, we managed to go thru it and insyaAllah daddy will be with us permanently next month. His company has finally agreed to transfer him to KL. Yippie yay yay!!

OK, enuff about last year. This will be an exciting, cherishable, memorable and hopefully bankable year for us. Our target this year is to buy our own crash pad and will add another family member to the picture..hehehe. Please do pray for us, k.

So, till then, cherish your day, don't fret about the past. Live like you are going to live forever but pray like you are going to die tomorrow.

I hope that I will be able to blog more this year. Thank you to you guys who kept coming to this "sawang" blog. I appreciate it and luv you guys lots!! Mmuahhss!!!

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A story worth sharing...

23.11.09

4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child.


There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner.


However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all i heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bedsheet and blanket!Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:"Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..."At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries.

After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.

A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.

However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'.

But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....

Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud too!

Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the christmas spirit is in every passer-by...Christmas carols and frantic shoppers....but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day's work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee.

Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year.

His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy.My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: " But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was: " I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once..."After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say....I told my son, "

Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldnt help opening the letter before they turn to ash. And one of the letters broke my heart....Dear Mummy,I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldnt help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason.

Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room. I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why havent you appear?

After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....

For the females with children:Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious.

For the married men:Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients.Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable. Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones.

For those singles out there:Beauty lies in loving yourself first. With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don't let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your well being.

...and I will cry everytime I read this story


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Parent-Teacher meeting

17.11.09

Dear Diary,

Entah kenapa semenjak dua menjak ni aku malas sangat nak update blog. Lagipun takde benda menarik pun yg berlaku selain normal day-to-day activities. Nak cerita pasal isu2 semasa lagila tak kuasa. Nak baca paper pun tak sempat. Teruk kan aku nih...hehehe

Anyway, hari ni aku cuti. Sebabnya, skolah Maisara ada parent-teacher meeting. Yelah kan, cuti skolah dah dekat. Cikgu dia nak le jumpa parents utk update perkembangan anak masing2 kat skolah. Memandangkan daddy berada nun jauh di johor, terpaksa la aku lone ranger pegi kali nie. Eh tapi masa kat SRK dulu pun aku pegi sorang gak..ahakzz..

Alhamdulillah, the meeting went well. Cikgu dia ckp Maisara is an outstanding student. Dia ckp her mental and academic abilities mcm budak umur 4 tahun. She can do her own work without constant supervision from her teacher. Cikgu dia ckp her pronounciation dgn phonics pun is very good. I was soooo proud of her. Cuma cikgu dia bagitau one concern..Anak aku ni kuat berangan! Hahahahha.. Dia kata bila dtg angin mengelamun dia mmg kerja tak jalan la..Hihihi. Ntah hapa2 la anak aku dok lamunkan tu ek. Lamunan terhenti agaknye..ahakzz..

Her social skill has improved tremendously..Dulu masa awal2 masuk SRK, that was her main problem. Now its not a problem anymore and I am happy yippie yeay yeay!!

Oh lagi satu cikgu dia bagitau, Maisara ni is very loving. She likes to hug her teachers bila2 dia rasa nak hug. She is such a sweet wonderful girl. Mommy love you so much my dear angel.

Next year she'll be in Pre-K class. Dah bukan budak kecik kat nursery lagi. She's a big girl now. Gosh, how time flies. But she will always and always be my baby girl forever and ever...I love you, darling...

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Ada brani??

9.11.09

Dear Diary,

Hehe, tajuk je provocative. Ceritanya biasa2 je. Saja nak cerita yg anak daraku dah officially pegi swimming class hari sabtu lepas. Punyala sakan beli goggles pink, kicking board ada gambar ape ntah kaler pink, swimming suit merah (sbb pink tarak..), siap gambar tengkorak lagi tau. Bukan aku yg pilih haa, dia sendiri yg pilih. Tapi swimming suit tu dah lama beli. Ingat nak kena beli sepasang lagi. Yg "sopan" sket. Yg ni mcm seksi sangat la pulak. Sebab kelas start pukul 10, kiranya matahari dah panas la jugak masa tu. Terus berbelang2 anak daraku itu..So rasanya kena beli yg banyak sikit cover surface area badan dia. Ahakzz..Anyway, for this first lesson as usual..cik mek tuh malu2 taik cicak pulak, esp dengan coach dia. Ni pun dia join skali dgn sepupu dia si Aiman. Ada lagi 2 org budak satu grup dgn dia. Kelas once a week, one hour per session. Hopefully this investment is worth it..hehehee

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Di Suatu Petang Yg Hujan

31.10.09

Dear Diary,

Situasi : Kat depan Metrojaya The Curve

Masa : Dah nak maghrib

Pelakon : Mommy & Maisara

Props : Pokok krismas (YES, pokok krismas dah bersepah2 kat the curve okeh..walaupun hari ni baru 31/10)

Maisara dok sibuk2 membelek dan memegang pokok krismas dan ornamentnya kat situ..

Tiba - tiba ...

Maisara : Mommy! Mommy! Can we have a christmas party?

Mommy : (Dengan muka terkejut badak) What?? Why??

Maisara : So that I got lots of presents...

Mommy : We cannot have a christmas party, dear. Wait till your birthday party next year..

Maisara : .........

Moral of the story : Hmmm..apa moralnya yea? hehehehe...

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Concerto!!

25.10.09

Dear Diary,

Fuh...how long has it been, eh? Its been a while since I last updated this precious blog. So sorry for my absence. Life has been hectic nowadays..

Anyway, one memorable event happened today for our precious little angel.

It was her first ever school concert, held at Kelab Golf Seri Selangor, Kota Damansara this morning. She has been practising EVERYDAY at home, forcing her maksu and myself to "participate" with her.Her first act was the choir. The whole nursery & Pre-K kids sang Bangun Pagi and ABC songs.

Then she participated in Madagascar dance. Since this was her first time, I could sense a bit of "stage fright" in her. She was doing her dance routine while at the same time observing the cheering crowd full of excited parents. Nevertheless, I was so proud of my baby girl. Another milestone achieved today.
As for the event itself, well, it was kinda galore of iPhones, SLRs and (fake+ori) LVs. Ahakssss (takpe, aku pakai SF). It was well organized, MC-eed by Uncle Azri yg sangat bubbly dan cheerful and fun fun fun. The most important thing was the kids had so much fun performing their dances, pantuns, speeches and acts.

Oh, oh..lagi satu. Cuba teka sapa dlm gambar kat bawah nie? Yezza, tidak salah lagi, our own rock legend, Abg Amy Search (haa, aku dah panggil dia abang ko..ahakz). He sends 2 of his kids to to the same school as Maisara.

Dan aku tanpa segan silu telah selamba badaknya mintak nak ambik gambar dgn dia. And he was so sporting, tapi tak banyak cakap sangat. And he's petite I must tell you. Comel je..heheheh.
Tengoklah gambar ni, mak bapak yg kernyeh sampai ke telinga. Sara rilek jeeeee...And this is Maisara with her teacher, Ms Safiyyah yg comel dan sweet sesangat..All in all, it was a fun event. I know my girl had so much fun today and looking forward to the next concert next year. Thanks to the teachers for organizing such a wonderful event. More photos and videos will be uploaded in my FB soon...

Cheers!

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